Chusei's Zanpakuto towered above both girls and she felt a little intimidated. Kurobara was enough of a force to be reckoned with and she looked like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, sometimes, but Shunen Ryu was something else. She bet he was the embodiment of Chusei's temper.
Smirking to herself, Azdeha bowed politely before the spirit then straightened up, staring him straight in the eye. "So, what's she been saying about me?"
A sharp look from Chusei made her rethink her words and she held her hands up defensively. "I'm only kidding...I know Chusei brought you here, no doubt against your will by the look on your face right now, to help me out. And I appreciate it, I really do. So thank you."
She hoped she sounded sincere enough. She wasn't entirely sure what the proper etiquette for conversing with your senpai's zanpakuto in its spirit for was. It's not like anyone had ever written a guide book on it.
"I only really have one question to be honest. Kurobara, as stubborn as she is, has agreed to help me, as long as I can work out what I'm fighting for." She looked down at her feet and reached a hand up behind her head to scratch her head. "The problem is, I don't really know. I mean, what do people tend to fight for?"
She glanced hopefully up at Chusei and her zanpakuto.
Chusei turned to Shunen-Ryu, but his heavy intimidating gaze was locked on Deha, glaring at her sword in what Chusei could only speculate was a silent communication with the other zanpakuto somehow.
Seeing as Shunen-Ryu was reluctant to strike up a reply, clearing doing as he arrogantly damn-well pleased and even that at his own pace (as usual), Chusei stepped to her friend’s side and folded her arms, concealing her hands in her sleeves.
"All I can say is what is based on myself, but I find those elements most vital to your existence are what you need to realise you essentially need to fight for." Chusei tilted her head to the side, looking straight out in to the dark garden as she spoke her thoughts. "I stand for loyalty. Without loyalty your friends will desert you, they will not defend you, they will not care for your existence. I fight to defend those precious to me. I could not stand to see anyone from my nakama to even the lowest member of my squad, or any squad, be hurt or to see them suffer. Hell I will treasure even the smallest animal so long as it does not suffer....whatever I do and can do I will do." With a surprising laugh, Chusei looked down at her chest and shook her head. "Renji jokes how he is surprised how I can even sleep based on this mentality, but truth is if I knew someone was suffering and I had the power to prevent it I would." Chusei looked poignantly to her friend. "Loyalty is my passion and when that passion burns so intensely Shunen-Ryu will lend me power beyond my own to see my desires through."
Looking up at Shunen-Ryu, who was still locked on the other sword, Chusei smiled weakly. "But the catch is loyalty is a funny thing. When it exists and is maintained it is strong and thrives.....but when it is broken you will hurt....and misery and rage are the Achilles heel of any shinigami. I sometimes fear Shunen-Ryu...Should I ever suffer a massive betrayal he will give me the means to vent my anger...and if that day does come I fear what will happen."
Pausing as she looked up at the embodiment of her passion, her twin soul, Chusei reflected for a second, before unfolding her arms and stepping between the zanpakuto and shinigami, purposely cutting off Shunen-Ryu's focus.
Standing before Deha so Shunen-Ryu was purposely in the background behind her, Chusei standing before him as his master, she smirked to Azdeha. "A zanpakuto is a novel thing in it's shikai, it gives those with the will to fight a power to wield but it’s when you have a passion you key further in to your soul and can unleash bankai. So I can give you all the advice in the world but at the end of the day only you know what you really fight for: be it love, for loyalty, to control, to lead, it's up to you and only you." Picking up her katana, Chusei held it upright before her, almost mimicking Byakuya. "You're zanpakuto chose you and knows your passion otherwise you wouldn’t have it at all. It's been with you ever since you attained it so it knows you best..." Chusei dropped her blade a little, "it's just waiting for you to realise the things it's come to know about you a long time ago."
Azdeha stared at Chusei, processing what her friend had just said.
It was true, Chusei was loyal to a fault, and no doubt if anyone dared to cross that loyalty, well, she didn't want to be around to witness it.
"It must have been refreshing to work out what it is you want to achieve and fight for so badly. I'm still confused. I became a shinigami to be with nii-sama. And I've achieved that. I thought that desire would have been enough." She sighed, "Clearly not though."
She reached out and ran her hands over the hilt of her zanpakuto. The grip felt smooth against her fingertips, worn down from use, moulded overtime to the shape of her hands. "When did you first realise? You know...what you were fighting for? You can't have always known."
She looked up at Chusei through her fringe, "When we were at the Academy your reasons for becoming a shinigami were completely different. What happened to make you realise?"
With a laugh, Chusei pushed Shunen-Ryu back slightly, handing him his blade, as if hoping it would amuse him.
"I entered Seireitei hoping to find and kill the shinigami I had been told had killed Okasan. I think I may have told you something different at the time but that is the truth." Chusei waved a hand dismissively, walking out to the doorway to the garden, leaning on the door. "I entered because I was angry, and I had been betrayed. I had been lied too! I had a mission in mind but in the end I changed for the better." Looking to the moon she sighed. "I changed my ways when I realised the academy was essentially building up not only in powers but in life skills. Before I knew it I had friends, proper friends, not like the scum who lied and manipulated me in Rukongai."
As she spoke Shunen-Ryu seemed to look to Chusei intrigued. He clearly knew all this from his bond with her, but he clearly couldn't hide his curiosity for her explanation.
"I never had proper fiends before Sereitei. I went from literally having nothing to having so much and friends I wouldn't change anything for. I was over the moon...but then one by one people dropped off on missions. I, well we, lost many friends over the years, like I'm sure most do...but loosing chisai-Maya was the worst."
Maya had been a student who had come from the same "whore house" area as Chusei. She was small but very pretty. She had saved to enter the shinigami academy because she was determined not to become some kind of escort. She had battled every day with bullies and generally had a rough time until she had been accepted in to Chusei and Deha's little group. They helped the shy little thing blossom until they were sent out on separate missions that one fateful day, and all had returned but little Maya. Reports suggested the bullies had deserted her , leaving her alone to fight and in the end a hollow killed her.
"Absence of loyalty, absence of kindness, I wanted to try become a figure which would never let such a thing exist again."
Nodding solemnly, Azdeha thought back to that day. She and Chusei had been furious at the others for abandoning her. So much so that Azdeha had nearly gone on a rampage and risked being thrown out of the academy for good. The only reason she hadn't was because Chusei had talked her out of it, not wanting to lose 2 friends in the same day. To this day, the two women drank on the anniversary of Maya's death.
Unfortunately Azdeha hadn't quite come out of that incident with as much resolve as Chusei. Her main motivation at that point had stemmed around revenge, a concept which had faded with time, and maturity.
"If only we'd been there to protect her." She whispered, then looked up at her companion. "If we'd been there, she wouldn't have had to die. We wouldn't have abandoned her. That was your belief and you never want to see it happen again. Neither do I, but it's not what I fight for. I wish it was easier to figure out."
She grabbed Kurobara and re-sheathed the zanpakuto, the weight of it giving her some comfort as she tried to figure things out. "All I know is that I fight because I have to...and whatever my reasons are, they'll make themselves known to me when the time comes."
Bowing gently to the captain and spirit in front of her Azdeha smiled. "In the meantime, I should probably get back to the barracks. I have duties to attend to." She straightened up and headed towards the door, "And, thank you again for your help. Now I know what it is I'm meant to be working towards." She waved her hand once to signal her departure and left.
